riot fest.

This weekend was riot fest, which is definitely not "Jessica music", but I figured I'd be open-minded and have a good time. Friday was absolutely freezing cold. It was way colder than any of us expected, because the wind was brutal. There were no bands I had even the slightest amount of interest in playing, so Friday was all around no good. Saturday had absolutely perfect weather, and pretty much saved the weekend for me. I got some sun, and everyone had an enjoyable day. Sunday was going to be the only day where some bands of interest for me were playing, so of course that is the day it's 50 degrees and pouring rain. We ended up not going, which works because we all would've been miserable. I still have 9 free drink tickets that went to waste, and I didn't get to see Peter Hook do his Joy Division set or the Pixies, but I did get to sleep in and be warm.

All of my online classes start on Monday, and I have a Russian test that I'm freaking out about on Tuesday. I already feel in over my head, but I have to remember to pace myself, and utilize my free time better. Ever since school started and the reality has sunk in, I started questioning what I really wanted to do. I've had dental hygiene in mind for so long, but I don't think it's the best option for me in the long run. I honestly think I'm going to eventually apply to a nursing program. I feel like there would be opportunities to advance as a nurse, where there isn't with dental hygiene. The biggest problem for me is that I love change, and I could never see myself doing the same thing the rest of my life.

My wisdom teeth surgery is coming up next weekend, so hopefully I don't let myself freak out about it. I can't wait to get this over with, because it's the last thing hanging over my head right now, and I feel like I'll finally be able to relax. My loan money should be coming around midterm time, whenever that is, and I'll be able to pay for the surgery and replace some of what's missing from my savings. This was a pretty boring post, but I love typing out my feeling and plans.

michigan.

I'm too OCD and not "fun" enough to deal with a cabin full of belligerently drunk partiers I've discovered, because I spent my weekend coping with it by planning how I would kill each one of them in the cabin. That's probably not healthy, but it made me feel better. Not everyone there was horrible, and my boyfriend was of course the redeeming factor of this weekend.

I have a thing about food and drinks, and when you combine those things with drunk people, it's pretty much a nightmare for me. I remember breakfast the first morning, I was sitting in the kitchen monitoring food preparation like a hawk. "aaaaaaand she just slid her unwashed hands down the length of the loaf of bread while cutting it. Now someone else who hasn't washed their hands is dipping the bread into the egg batter. Oh god, they're getting their hands really deep in the bowl for no reason. Welp, the french toast is now dead to me." My eyes bolt to the other side of the kitchen. "She's ripping up kraft american cheese slices with her hands and throwing them into this giant bowl of scrambled eggs. Dead to me. Slightly gagging." I ended up eating bacon, because it was safe. I won't even get into the drink concoctions they made and all drank out of, which included passes to the guy that forgot to bring a toothbrush for the entire weekend.

Speaking of that guy and my food problem, that guy is the biggest waste of oxygen on the planet as far as I'm concerned. After an entire day of not washing his hands on Saturday, this vile piece of shit walks into the kitchen, apparently grabs a piece of grilled chicken with his hands, and walks outside to the table we were sitting. He's a 30ish year old man who thinks it's entertaining to shove the entire piece in his mouth and purposely try to spew it out while mumbling. I, personally, was hoping he was going to choke and die. I reacted to this display of idiocy too slowly and a piece of chicken landed on my leg. I pushed my chair waaaaaaay far away from this living piece of garbage as fast as I could, and tried not to gag at how disgusting what just happened was. I stared at this man with beams of utter hatred and thought, "Welp, that settles it. I have to kill him." I stared at him in silence with a death glare for so long I was surprised no one asked me why I was so quiet. "Oh I'm fine, I'm just thinking about fluffy kitties and how relaxing Michigan is". Cue a big fake smile, wait until they're not looking again... back to death glare and plotting. "Can't kill him... he has a kid. Of course he has a kid. Something mated with this man to preserve his genes. I'll just maim him. Draino in his drink. See, when used in the movie Heathers, it was a quick and easy death. However, that movie inspired real life robbers turned murderers to try it in the infamous Hi-Fi murders, and it ended up being one of the most horrific crimes of that state to date. The problem is Draino doesn't kill you. It just burns everything it touches and puts you in excruciating pain that includes blisters and erosion. Perfect." 

Some people were still eating in the kitchen, including "Linda Blair", who I'll get to in a second. My boyfriend had a really bad headache, so we sat down on the couch. We were only sitting for 5 minutes when Linda makes this bitchy comment of, "Why don't you guys be productive and help clean up the food? Your dinner was delicious, right?!" Okay, bitch, dinner isn't over? In fact, you're still shoving food into your gaping maw as you unjustifiably bitch. It was so out of left field and unwarranted, because we helped with every single meal which included clean up, and yet we get this comment for sitting down as dinner is still being consumed. She acted this way the entire time too. She'd be nice and friendly, and then suddenly it was as if she became possessed by satan. It's funny because when we were out on the lake early Saturday, she made a comment about how almost everyone was there with someone, her best friend was getting married, and she didn't even have a boyfriend. I felt like saying later, "listen, I figured out your problem. I think you're possessed. See, you were eating dinner all calmly, and we sat down on the couch. Then all of a sudden you stood up, bent over backwards, walked out of the room on all fours, you had vile spewing out of your head as it was spinning around your body, and you said 'your mother sucks cocks in hell, Karras, you faithless slime!' I can imagine that's a little off-putting to men."

I survived this weekend, though! I drank 1 and a half beers, I enjoyed my morbid and sarcastic thoughts, and I appreciated how beautiful my surroundings were. The pontoon boat had to travel through this shallow little river to get out into the actual lake, and the entire river was filled with lilypads, fish, and turtles. I've never seen that many turtles in the wild before, and I thought it was wonderful. No one on the boat cared, but that was my favorite part of the weekend.

I'm sure this entry is filled with errors, but I doubt anyone reads this, and I'm exhausted.

rain.

My hair didn't come out as dark as I imagined it would, but that's okay. It's inspired me to just go back to my natural color. Next time my hair needs to be done, that's what I'll do. I'm actually excited about being a brunette again. I have more random money woes, but I don't even feel like getting into it. I dropped off my loan plea (essentially what it is) at the college, so they said I should hear back in about two weeks. After a decade of being totally fine, my wisdom teeth have decided it's time to go. One of them is aching and doesn't look very well at all. I have a consultation on July 20th, and a subsequent financial breakdown penciled in for that evening which will involve crying and chocolate. The positives of this upcoming month are the fact that I own a sailor shirt:

Also, I've been watching some beautiful movies, and I bought three new Nabokov books. More on that in a later post!

inspiration.

It's 10:30 at night, and I just finished watching Rosemary's Baby. It was such a wonderful and suspenseful movie, but I did giggle when they were chanting "Hail Satan!". I love the way my nail polish is fading off my nails, and in the span of the movie, a little bee died on my bathroom windowsill.
I love my new bangs, but they need to grow just a little bit longer to be perfect. I wasn't sure what length I wanted. I've also decided to dye it a bit darker this weekend. I really want this color, but I'm sure it won't be that perfect:

I'm working on my tan, and my skin is getting much better.

I'm currently in love with black strappy shoes, especially with frilly socks. There are so many cute things I want, but can't currently buy. Instead, I'll admire.

 I think this tapestry would look so amazing behind my bed.

 Want this dress so bad! It's sold out in my size anyhow :(

movie weekend.

I painted my nails some Easter themed pink, and I'm putting off taking a shower. If I do, I accept it's time to get to bed for work in the morning. I just hate getting up, but I do look forward to work. I watched a few movies this weekend:

Baby Love (1968)

I liked this movie a lot, especially the fashion. Luci is 15 when her mom commits suicide, because of unrequited love from Luci's dad (her high school sweetheart). In her suicide note, she requests Luci's dad to take her into his family. Considering she has some serious unresolved emotional/mental issues, she starts to terrorize the family one-by-one. It was pretty interesting, and disturbing.

Noce Blanche (1989)

A french film with subtitles about a troubled student obsessed with her philosophy teacher. I keep thinking what else to write, but I feel like anything I say would give away interesting plot points. It's a lot more thought-provoking than sleazy, and ended up being a lot deeper than I imagined from the premise.

Girly (1970)

"A wealthy, fatherless British clan kidnaps bums and hippies and forces them to participate in an elaborate role-playing game in which they are the perfect family; those who refuse or attempt escape are ritualistically murdered." -IMDB
This was a really fun and bizarre movie.

enrichment.

I've applied to college, and I've received some indeterminate amount of financial aid for it. Around the 25th when the summer semester forms are available, I will prove my residency and take the placement test. I'm more nervous about the written essay portion of the exam than I am the math part. I'm so self-conscious about my writing these days. I haven't written an essay in almost a decade... I feel so old saying that. I'm pretty sure I'm going to take Math, Biology, English, and Russian to start. I'm going to be super busy, but I think it'll be good for me. I feel like my brain has atrophied at this point, and maybe some over-stimulation is what I need. I've also written out a huge list of things that I've been meaning to watch and read. I'm sure I'll make a blog post about each one. Currently I'm reading Anna Karenina. I have a lot of opinions and thoughts about it so far, but I'm only 30% done according to my kindle app. I'll reserve judgment for when I finish. I signed my apartment lease, and I've bought a lot of things I need so far. Skipping over practical stuff for now, I want Paul & Joe cosmetics sooooo bad. Just look:

moving on.

I'm posting infrequently, because it's hard to articulate my thoughts right now. Well, maybe not really so much... they're actually at a deafening pitch in my head all day, but I'm not ready to deal with a lot of them just yet. I'm very happy to say I'm finally moving out on my own. I'll have my own studio apartment with all my own things, and my own food. I'm pretty sure the first thing I want to bake for myself is zucchini bread, mmm. I'm getting very excited with all the decorating possibilities to make this a comforting place. I'm not sure what type of bed I want to get yet (a lifted bed so Nietzsche could have extra space, a day bed for ample room, or a bed with drawers on the bottom for extra storage). I'm kind of leaning towards the daybed since it would give me more space plus Nietzsche could go under it. I really like this comforter set, since it breaks from my typical black & white. I might need a vanity table and a desk, or perhaps one that could be used as both. I definitely plan on getting a full length mirror, since I've never had one. I'm absolutely 100% going to finally buy a street lamp for my room. I like this one because it has a planter build in so I can have some plants as well. Lily of the valley and some shade loving grasses, most likely. I also need some glow in the dark stars, pretty lights, and a bed crown of sorts. I haven't fallen in love with a shower curtain or bathroom theme just yet, but I've got some time. Anyhow, I'm excited!

fresh start.

Time & time again I always claim I'll keep up with blogging. It's true this time, I swear on my life. I'm going to need an outlet for at least the next few months, and hopefully beyond. I'll have moving, new friend, and school adventures. Before the chaos starts, my goal is to read a few books, watch some movies, and re-watch Twin Peaks.

I finished this book quickly, because it was short. It was a very good pick-me-up, because the letters feel like they're written to you. It was very inspiring, and I'm glad I finally read it.